Tag Archive | weight

Past, Present, Future

I just finished writing on my other blog about my Polycystic Ovary Syndrome (PCOS) diagnosis.  I try not to overlap my blogs too much.  One is for fertility struggles, one is for my diabetes drama.  PCOS is something that does cause some overlap though.  

When Cody and I started the journey to try and have a baby, I was given a half-assed diagnosis of PCOS, which causes fertility struggles.  I’d researched this problem before and I thought that I had it.  When my fertility specialist mentioned the syndrome, I said I didn’t know what it was because I didn’t want her to think I was a self-diagnoser.  Even though I am.

There is no single test to diagnose PCOS. Only a doctor can test for PCOS. Some common signs and symptoms to look for are:

Source:  http://www.pcosfoundation.org/?gclid=CMuCjuezrLcCFadcMgodOxgA1A

I have about 10 of those symptoms.  Half.  You can see why I’d think I had the syndrome before it was official.

The thing is, all of my blood work does not have typical signs that point to PCOS.  My ultrasounds did not reveal any cysts either.  You can see why I have trouble accepting the diagnosis even though it’s official.

Ok, Ok.  You’re on the Diabetes blog, not the fertility blog.  What does all of this PCOS info have to do with my Type 2 Diabetes?

Friends, we both know I’ve always kind of been looking for a reason as to why I got diabetes so easily.  I am overweight – not morbidly so.  I can stand to lose quite a few pounds, but my weight alone should not have sent me info sky-rocketed sugar readings.  Having PCOS could be the reason I’ve been looking for.

We all know I have trouble accepting responsibility for my diabetes.  I will tell you that I’m overweight, but that it can’t be the only reason why I’ve developed diabetes.  I will tell you that I eat shitty food, but that it’s not so often that my sugars should be so crazy.  Diabetes is something that runs rampant in my family – so I always thought that I would just end up having it.  It would be something that would happen no matter what.  It was out of my control.

I’ve gotten better with acknowledging that my lifestyle hasn’t always helped me to control or banish the disease.

I remember the first time that my sugars were creeping into a dangerous zone.  I was 22 and had gone to the doctor to address my irregular periods.  I had a cyst on my ovary (“common”, he said) and my sugars levels labelled me “pre-diabetic”.  I wanted to talk about the cyst, the doctor wanted to focus on my sugars, and I walked out of there determined to never see that doctor again.  And I didn’t.

I’m a little pig-headed and stubborn.

Anyway, that might have been the moment when I could have been given the PCOS diagnosis.  There was a cyst.  I had been struggling to lose weight.  I was becoming insulin resistant.  

I can’t help but wonder what my life would be like if I’d left the office that day and seen a different doctor.  Would I have been put on Metformin sooner and able to control my weight earlier?  Would I have been able to keep my sugars under control?  Would I have been able to avoid some of the damage my body has been through?

Shoulda.  Coulda.  Woulda.

I might not be able to control my PCOS, but I can control my diabetes.  Slowly, but surely and with steady feet, I am making changes to help me, help my relationship, and to help my yet-to-be-conceived baby(ies).

“Trying to manage diabetes is hard because if you don’t, there are consequences that you will have to deal with later in life.”  — Bryan Adams

I wish I wasn’t so stupid at the age of 22. 

beanie

Caution: The Ground is Closer Than You Think

Such a beautiful weekend!  Why not take advantage of the weather and put those Rollerblades to use for the first time?  Well, the first time outside and in front of someone other than my husband.

Cody used to use his in-line skates to get everywhere.  He didn’t have a bike, so he skated here and skated there.  He’s good.  Me, not so much.  

When I was growing up, I had a bike that I adored.  I would bike most places.. until I was 12 and was in a horrid accident where I was hit by a 4×4 truck going a little too fast (it was still my fault:  I came out of a one way lane way without stopping.  I, in no way blame the driver, I’m well aware that I was the one at fault).  Thankfully, I had a helmet on, but it was still pretty bad.  Road rash on the face, broken arm in 3 places, concussion.  It was terrible and when they removed my helmet at the hospital, it came off in two pieces.  After that, it took me quite a long time to get back on a bike.  And even to this day, I will not ride a bike on the road.  Trails:  good.  Roads with cars:  didn’t work out so good the last time.  I am sure that my exercising slowed down around that time and I started to put weight on.  I might have still been a chunky girl, but I think it may have happened a little later in life if I wasn’t so terrified to get on a bike or even of crossing the street for fear of being hit again.  

Besides the point.

I trusted Cody to teach me the ins and outs of Rollerblading.  I had visions of picking up the sport with ease.  We were going by the water and my apparent fantasy was that Cody and I would be holding hands while we chatted and laughed while whirling by people on the trails.  I’d look cute in my capris and favorite skull shirt, my hair in a “casual” ponytail.  Cody – he’s always looking good, so I didn’t really focus too much on what he looked like in my fantasy.

So we went to the trail.  Everything seemed pretty flat – no bumps, pot holes, or rocks.  Cool.  I sat down, strapped on the Rollerblades and started to skate.  Hmmm – a little more awkward than I thought, but not too bad.  I went a little further, Cody skated ahead a bit and then BAM.  I was on my ass.  Actually, on my knee to be more accurate.  

As I was falling – things slowed down.  I thought “Oh shit.  I’ve literally been on these things for 3 minutes.”.  I then acknowledged that there was an older couple walking on the trail towards us.  Then I was on the ground.  Nothing was hurting, but I wanted to cry because my ego was bruised  but I laughed instead.  Cody poured some water on the wounds (yes, plural) and the couple reached us and asked if I needed help up (do I really look that chunky?  I am able to lift myself from a sitting position without assistance, thank you.).  I wasn’t bleeding, so I just got up and continued on.  

My dreams were dashed.  I know it wasn’t a graceful fall.  My capris had blood on them.  I don’t exercise… ever… and I was sweating within 20 minutes of being on the skates.  We stopped so I could use the bathroom*, and I noticed that my ponytail wasn’t looking so good – I had flyaway’s all over the place.  My makeup was good though.  Cody, however, looked fantastic.  He fell right back into his old skating ways.  He was so comfortable and at ease, and that, my friends is sexy.  And he took care of me – what girl doesn’t like that?

I continued on.  We skated for a while and went much further than I thought we would.  I did have fun, too.  My scrapes are a little worse than I originally thought, but I think I’ll make it.  My only regret:  I knew I should have bought the knee pads.

Image

I’m getting a lot of sympathy from Cody… and every person I pass on the street.

“Perseverance is falling 19 times and succeeding the 20th.” — Julie Andrews

I sincerely hope that it doesn’t take me that long to learn to use these bad boys.  I would like to wear a dress at some point this summer without having to explain how I got so banged up.

 

Have fun, friends.

 

beanie

 

* After using the “facilities” by the lake, I understand why some people might opt to piss in the lake.  The toilet paper was on the floor.  No, not some jackass being a jackass and unravelling or leaving pieces on the floor… The roll of the toilet paper was on the floor, and that’s where it was for you to obtain your portion from.  Also, there were no locks on the door.  So, while hovering, I had to hold the door closed and attempt at not missing the pot.  Almost as painful as my injury.

Oh, Hi There!

I’m still here!

I’m still trying to lose weight!  In fact, I’ve purchased some Rollerblades to help get me more active.  I actually never liked going for walks, for some reason.  I can walk somewhere if there is a destination in mind or if I’m lacking a car.  But a leisurely stroll?  No thanks.   Add wheels:  this could be fun!

I’m probably going to fall on my ass.  Maybe hurt my wrist.  I’m a 29 year old woman trying to learn how to skate… again.  It’s going to be ridiculous.  And I’m so looking forward to it!

Normally, I’d put a cute or inspiring little quote here, but finding something pertaining to exercise and fun was hard.  It was all Katy Perry quotes, and I just refuse to add that to my blog.

Be happy, healthy, and safe, friends.

 

beanie

Too Big or Too Small

The worst thing about losing weight is no longer fitting in your clothes.  I know, I know.  You’re probably thinking I’m insane.  So many people are pumped to have their jeans no longer staying on without the assistance of a belt.  For me – I hate it.  I can’t stand the look of baggy pants on myself.  I’m already a chunky girl so when my clothes don’t fit right, I look even chunkier.

I came about this revelation today while standing in front of the mirror brushing my teeth.  I’d done a fantastic job on my make-up, my nails looked good, and my hair… well, it was a fabulous day for my usually untameable curls.  I’d decided to wear my favourite jeans and a grey sweatshirt.  I stood there for a while trying to figure out what was off and it was then that I realized that my sweater was hanging off of me in a weird way.  I don’t normally wear super tight shirts or anything, but you can usually see a little of my fairly proportionate figure.  Today, this shirt makes me look lumpy.  And my jeans.  Oh, I love these jeans!  The waist is no longer fitting quite right – but I can work with that.  It’s the thighs.  You can’t fit another person into my pants or anything, but they are pretty baggy.  In the end, my outfit cancelled out my exceptionally good hair day by causing me to look like I was going to paint in my most worn-out, comfortable clothes.

All of that ranting aside, there’s other reasons why I hate when my clothes start to get too big.  I’m not particularly fond of clothes shopping… I find it to be so friggen tedious.  I would just waltz in to Wal-Mart, buy some jeans and a few shirts and be on my way, but it is never that easy.  If Cody (stupidly) agrees to go with me, we usually end up in an argument of some sort.  I get so annoyed with stores like Wal-Mart because there’s no organization what-so-ever.  Also, their “plus-size” selection leaves something to be desired, to put it nicely.  I mean, really – why do overweight women HAVE to wear floral print???  No one wants that!  The price is usually right, but it’s not worth my sanity.  So a few years ago, I opted to start shopping at Reitmans and Addition-Elle.  When I walk in, I know there is going to be something that I like; something that won’t make me feel like I’m going to attract every bumblebee within a 15 block radius.  And the staff are so helpful.  There are just some things you’re not going to find at Wal-Mart.  With this luxury, though, comes a pretty hefty price tag.  This is why I curb my “desire” to clothes shop to a few times a year.

There’s one final reason why I hate the weight loss/clothes dilemma.  I don’t fit in anything – old or new!  I’m in one of those “between” stages.  I’m not a large, but a medium is a little squishy.  Size 14 is too big, but a 12 gives me a muffin top.  It’s a pain in the ass!  The only thing that fits are socks and that’s because I buy them in size that’ll fit 4-10 shoes.  Something pretty bad would have to happen in order for those not to fit.

Also, why should I go and buy a whole bunch of new clothes, some that might not even really fit all that well, when they’re not going to fit in a few more months anyway when I’ve lost even more weight?

I think I’ll skip the whole shopping thing for now.  I’d prefer to sport some baggy clothes since it might appear that I’m losing weight rather than squeeze into a size too small because I’ll eventually fit into it.

Besides, I can still hold off since I have these killer might-as-well-be-new jeans sitting in my closet that I’ve never worn cause they were too small when I bought them (I don’t know why… I think I thought I knew my size, but they were made differently so they didn’t fit right… I don’t know.  Whatever).  They button up now – so it’s just a short while longer till they don’t look painted on.  I just hope I can enjoy them for more than 2 months.  

“I don’t like shopping and I like my clothes to be comfortable.”  – Norah Jones

You and me both, honey.

 

beanie

After a Brief Intermission

Hello!

It’s been a while.  I know.  And I’m sorry.

I have been all too consumed with my fertility issues.  I’m not going to dwell on that or even get into it much further.  If you’re interested, though, please feel free to check out my other blog, “Baby Brain… Sans Baby”.

Anyway, I had my follow up appointment with Dr. Poon after what felt like 6 months on the diet, when it was really only 2 weeks.  And here’s the results:  13.5 lbs lost!!! I knew I’d done well, I knew I’d lost a significant amount.  To hear that it was this much, though, was amazing.  I am very proud of myself.  Not only that, but I also didn’t feel like I’d suffered for nothing. All of the days spent longing for cheezies while I cried and laughed 35.7 seconds between each other:  not a waste.

My doctor was happy with me.  Cody was happy for me.  I was over the moon. 

In addition to this weighloss, I’ve removed one of my diabetes medications (the Diamicron).  I’m one step further from needing insulin, in my opinion.  My doctors too, I’ll bet.

Since my appointment, I’ve fallen off a little bit.  Cody and I moved (finally) and it’s extremly difficult to try and stay “on track” when your food is packed up, your dishes are in a box, and you’re stressed with a thousand little things.  I did well, for the most part.  I admit, there were some nights when Cody and I went our to eat and it was very easy for me to order a burger with fries.  That being said, I’ve made mostly good food choices and I haven’t gained a pound.

It’s been a challenge trying to get used to living with a roommate.  The kitchen is often being used by him and/or his girlfriend, which makes it harder to cook.  More like awkward, actually.  I think I’ve found a solution though – I plan to cook our meals during the day and then reheating them when Cody comes home.  Sundays will also be dedicated to coming up with a meal plan, doing groceries, and cooking up what we can.  Mini-crisis averted.

I have a whole lot of other mundane things that have been happening.  Not many of them related to my diabetes.

“Make your life a mission – not an intermission.” – Arnold H. Glasgow

 

beanie

“Little” Engine That Could

I’ve been steadily losing weight.  I’m down about 10 pounds since my first appointment with Dr. Poon, which I’m happy and impressed with.  Every now and then I’d turn the Wii on and play Sport Resort or Just Dance.  I’ve even occasionally done push-ups  crunches, planks, and squats (OK, well that happened once.  But I want to avoid/lose the bat wings, so I’ll keep this one up.  In fact – I’ll do them as soon as I’m finished with blogging for the day.)  All in all though, I haven’t done that much exercise; this weight loss has been pretty much diet alone.

And then my weight creeped up half a pound.  Which isn’t terrible – but not supposed to happen. So I’ve obviously messed something up somewhere.  I have an idea – and it lies with the “Poon-friendly Breakfast Muffins” my husband made.  Bless his big heart, he has been so supportive and accommodating with this lifestyle adjustment.  

The day before my birthday, I had complained that I knew I was going to feel deprived on my birthday.  I didn’t want to cheat – but I felt like I might be a little doomed if I didn’t do something.  On the morning of my birthday, Cody woke me up and tried to get me to come out of hibernation (I’m the worst morning-person.  Ever.).  After about 15 minutes of “Wake up, birthday girl” and “It’s your birthday – you have to move”, I cracked an eye and asked him what “that smell” was.  As my first surprise of the day, Cody had gotten up at 5AM (safe from me interrupting that surprise, let me tell you) and baked muffins that I’d be able to eat for breakfast.  He used Coconut flour and ground flax… some other stuff I’m sure, but I don’t really know what.  He’d found a recipe for Poon-y Muffins and just substituted the Soy flour with Coconut flour – which, as it turns out cannot substitute in a 1:1 fashion… if that makes any sense.  They didn’t rise, they’re really dense, and the first bite took some getting used to, but after a while they grow on you.  Mainly because it’s flour, I’m guessing.  Cody told me that the nutritional info for the Coconut flour was better than the Soy flour and that they would be fine.  Since then, I’ve checked those nutritional facts and Cody was wrong.  I don’t think they’re that bad, but I’m not entirely convinced that the good doctor would approve after all.  

Do I think that these muffins alone has caused the dramatic weightloss to slow down?  No, I think I’ve found ways around only eating meat and veggies.  That lactose-free cheese?  Much better when melted (sort of like a cheese cracker – which I’m craving something awful).  Eat leafy greens?  How about mushrooms instead – they’re healthy too.  Also, breakfast is, and continues, to be a bitch and I’ve worked around it by eating bacon way more often than I should.  I tell myself it’s not that bad because I limit the amount, only eat Turkey or reduced fat/salt bacon, and add mushrooms on the side.  

I have my follow-up appointment this weekend.  I will be kicking this diet up a notch and being very strict with what I’m eating again.  I’ll be getting active again.  Again, the weight loss didn’t stop – it was halted momentarily and slowed down.  It does not help to weigh myself almost every day.  I didn’t even realize I’d lost 9 pounds because I was seeing it 0.8kg at a time – which means nothing to the math-challenged woman that I am.

On another good note – my sugars are being stabilized in the 5s now!  A first for me. I have a feeling I’ll be coming off of one of my Metformin tablets.  Instead of 2 in the morning and 2 at night, I am thinking I’ll be taking one with each meal.  If this happens, I’ll be ecstatic!  Even still, being off the Diamicron was a huge accomplishment for me.

“The man who thinks he can and the man who thinks he can’t are both right.  Which one are you?” – Henry Ford

I can!

 

beanie

 

 

P.S.  Cody also surpised me with a decorated house, which took a few minutes to take in at 6ish in the morning.  And I did end up cheating – I had a (very mini) mini cupcake, which was about 100 calories and I don’t know how many carbs.  I did it, and I’m not proud – but I’m also not beating myself up about it either.