I am miserable. And now that I have to write this for the second time, I’m even more miserable.
I made every effort to avoid failing at this diet over the weekend. Before you guess WRONG, I did manage to stay on track over the weekend and I’m still on track up to and including this very moment that I am typing. I went to the ONS like I said I was going to do. I “splurged” and bought some Dr. P approved treats; I bought some muffin and bread mix, and even a protein powder to make breakfast not only doable, but enjoyable. I got more than one option for breakfast just in case one wasn’t so fantastic.
So why am I miserable, you ask?
Because this diet sucks today. It took every ounce of strength, determination, and will power not to put that loaf of garlic bread in the freezer out of its misery. Those cheddar cheese bites in the freezer were also calling to me, and it was really, really hard to continue with the silent treatment.
It all started with breakfast. I think I mentioned it before, but breakfast is a hard meal for me. I struggle with it. My first step to make breakfast tasty and filling was to try a protein shake. I got one that tastes like peanut butter and is very low carbs – and didn’t come in a 3 pound tub for half of my life savings. Well, my friends, it’s gross. Yeah, it tastes like peanut butter – which is it’s only good point, so far. On this phase of the diet, I am not allowed dairy – so this powder gets mixed with water. Somehow, it defies all logic and is thick but watery all at the same time. I’d give it a go with mixing it with some milk – but like I said, that’s a no-no for me right now… unless I want to try it with Almond Milk, which I’m not so keen on. The other thing is that this “shake” is so fucking lumpy. I’ve tried mixing it with a spoon. I’ve tried shaking it in a container and pouring it into a glass. I’ve tried whisking it. No matter what I do, there are still lumps!! To get this down, I have to pour this into a mug so that I can’t see the disgusting color of this drink. I then resort to one mouthful at a time, with my eyes closed and my nose blocked and using every part of me to swallow and not gag. Once again, probably dramatic, but this stuff is nasty.
Then the “bread”. Just because it’s compared to bread does not mean it is going to taste like it – I found that out the hard way this morning. I decided to get this mix and I was going to make some buns/muffins to eat for breakfast. After some research, I opted to add some Turkey Pepperoni (overrated and nothing like it’s salty counterpart), Allegro cheese (I found out lactose is apparently what makes cheese taste good), and some jalapeno, which would make this a doctor approved breakfast! Well, the level of salt in the buns was terrible. I also discovered that soy flour and ground flax does not make any bread I’ve ever tasted before or have a desire to taste again anytime soon.
So with breakfast a complete flop, everything seemed to go downhill from there. I didn’t have a plan for lunch, so I made a quick chicken noodle soup… and found that it was missing everything I know and love about the soup – the noodles specifically. Dinner was chicken kabobs, spiced with some weird shit. I resorted to spicing down the kabobs with a mixture of organic fat-free, salt-free, taste-free Cesar dressing with a dash of Frank’s Red Hot. Diet friendly and made the kabobs edible. Between lunch and dinner I was starving. I ended up snacking on Jell-O and other sweets – again, all which are allowed on this diet. I felt guilty about eating these, even though I didn’t overeat anything and it was all within the diet guidelines.
Cody (poor soul) came home to Ranting Wife. I was angry, hungry, deprived and annoyed. I ended up bawling my eyes out, telling him I hated this diet and I didn’t want to do it anymore. 20 minutes later, I got up and looked for some more recipes which are Dr. P approved. I realized two things:
1. This is going to take a lot more planning and effort than I originally thought.
2. It is going to take a lot more to break me.
I need a meal list. I need better snacks. I need to do groceries. I need alternatives in case something isn’t what I want at that very moment.
I also cannot argue with results. It’s only been 5 days and I’ve lost 5 – 6 pounds. Sure, a lot might be water. I don’t know. But it’s off… and every day a little more comes off with it. In addition to that, I am also off of my Diamicron medication. I was on the daily maximum before – and now, my sugars are stabilized and in perfect range. If this is just part of the results in 5 days, I can’t even imagine what things will look like in another 2 weeks, a month, a year.
So while I may have been crying like a baby ready for food time, I didn’t veer off of the path. And for that, I think I deserve a sugar-free, guilt-free snack.
“If you aren’t in over your head, how do you know how tall you are?” —T.S. Eliot