… but so is Temperance, and I clearly struggle with that too.
I’m going to put all of my positive “Rah-Rah” sentences away for most of this post. Yes, I know it’s only day 2.
I’ve just tested my blood sugar levels and they are at 16 (I’m in Canada so the readings are different than in the US, but it looks like it is about 280). My reading should be between 7 and 10, so you can see it’s much too high. Now, there are a couple of reasons as to why this is happening: 1) It hasn’t been a full 2 hours since I’ve eaten and 2) My body might still be trying to get used to the medications. Since I’m reacting to the medications as well, this causes elevated levels.
So maybe I just need to stop being dramatic and calm down.
Honestly, though, this is the kind of thing that just gets me so frustrated about trying to control my diabetes. I don’t know what the root cause to my current high reading is so it’s hard to figure out what I need to change or modify.
Not to mention – the holidays are coming up. How can I even begin to try to manage this disease with the abundance of food floating around. I know, I know – will power; picture my end result; remember my goals; etc.
But, I love apple pie.
I love being able to look at husband more. I love being able to paint all 10 of my toes, instead of 9. I love not having to take 3 or more needles a day. So, apple pie, this might be goodbye as well.
I know that I will need to give myself some allowances and not be so hard on myself all of the time. This is hard for me since I have a poor self-esteem. And also because, admittedly, I am weak. If I let myself have a slice of apple pie on Saturday, I will want one on Sunday as well. And, well, if I’m going to eat pie on Sunday, what would a little ice cream on the side hurt (besides EVERYTHING). And so on and so on. I can make excuses really easily for myself. I give up on things fairly easy as well. So I DO need to be strict. I do need to cut things out of my diet. And I do need to muster up some confidence, some courage, some will power, and some determination. I have the determination… but a little more can’t hurt.
So as I say goodbye to apple pie, there are a few other food-flings I need to call it off with:
- Baked goods
- Cheezies (oh, I might miss you the most!)
- Chocolate bars (not that I eat them often.. I just shouldn’t eat them)
- Crackers (I have a weird love for crackers and cheese whiz)
- McDonalds, Wendy’s – fast foodies in general
- Poutine – my deepest love :(
I am a realist, so I know there might be a time or two when fast food is the only option I have. But there are ways to make it a little better… order chicken instead of a burger. Don’t get fries with it. Go to Subway or Harveys instead of McD’s. I also know that I am not going to sit and eat celery sticks as a snack. Celery is ok and all, but I’ll rebound so fast it’ll be disgusting.
I also might opt to bake the desserts for holiday get-togethers. I know what you’re thinking: this is a sure-fire way to make sure I’m going to get a piece of whatever I bake. It’s actually the opposite. I research recipes all the time and look for healthier versions of things (like brownies – apparently you can make them with sour cream!). Let me tell you: the minute I bake something with cream cheese, sour cream, condensed milk etc. I DO NOT WANT IT. I get grossed out by certain ingredients and will not eat what I’ve baked. It’s a pretty good tactic, actually. Also, if I’m baking something for an event, presentation means a lot to me, so I won’t sneak any of what I’ve made. Bringing the dessert also means it won’t be in my house and I don’t have to open the fridge and see it every day, calling for me.
As frustrated as I am with my current reading, I am not going to let it break me. Especially on day 2! I’m going to calm myself down (since stress will raise my sugar levels), read a book and make sure I eat a low carb lunch. One day at a time, right? Not all days will be perfect, but I can try my hardest to make it perfect.
“Every great dream begins with a dreamer. Always remember, you have within you the strength, the patience, and the passion to reach for the stars to change the world. ”
I don’t have any great plans to change the world. Just mine.
Fighting my fight today and tomorrow,