Tag Archive | ambition

Oh, Hi There!

I’m still here!

I’m still trying to lose weight!  In fact, I’ve purchased some Rollerblades to help get me more active.  I actually never liked going for walks, for some reason.  I can walk somewhere if there is a destination in mind or if I’m lacking a car.  But a leisurely stroll?  No thanks.   Add wheels:  this could be fun!

I’m probably going to fall on my ass.  Maybe hurt my wrist.  I’m a 29 year old woman trying to learn how to skate… again.  It’s going to be ridiculous.  And I’m so looking forward to it!

Normally, I’d put a cute or inspiring little quote here, but finding something pertaining to exercise and fun was hard.  It was all Katy Perry quotes, and I just refuse to add that to my blog.

Be happy, healthy, and safe, friends.

 

beanie

After a Brief Intermission

Hello!

It’s been a while.  I know.  And I’m sorry.

I have been all too consumed with my fertility issues.  I’m not going to dwell on that or even get into it much further.  If you’re interested, though, please feel free to check out my other blog, “Baby Brain… Sans Baby”.

Anyway, I had my follow up appointment with Dr. Poon after what felt like 6 months on the diet, when it was really only 2 weeks.  And here’s the results:  13.5 lbs lost!!! I knew I’d done well, I knew I’d lost a significant amount.  To hear that it was this much, though, was amazing.  I am very proud of myself.  Not only that, but I also didn’t feel like I’d suffered for nothing. All of the days spent longing for cheezies while I cried and laughed 35.7 seconds between each other:  not a waste.

My doctor was happy with me.  Cody was happy for me.  I was over the moon. 

In addition to this weighloss, I’ve removed one of my diabetes medications (the Diamicron).  I’m one step further from needing insulin, in my opinion.  My doctors too, I’ll bet.

Since my appointment, I’ve fallen off a little bit.  Cody and I moved (finally) and it’s extremly difficult to try and stay “on track” when your food is packed up, your dishes are in a box, and you’re stressed with a thousand little things.  I did well, for the most part.  I admit, there were some nights when Cody and I went our to eat and it was very easy for me to order a burger with fries.  That being said, I’ve made mostly good food choices and I haven’t gained a pound.

It’s been a challenge trying to get used to living with a roommate.  The kitchen is often being used by him and/or his girlfriend, which makes it harder to cook.  More like awkward, actually.  I think I’ve found a solution though – I plan to cook our meals during the day and then reheating them when Cody comes home.  Sundays will also be dedicated to coming up with a meal plan, doing groceries, and cooking up what we can.  Mini-crisis averted.

I have a whole lot of other mundane things that have been happening.  Not many of them related to my diabetes.

“Make your life a mission – not an intermission.” – Arnold H. Glasgow

 

beanie

Doctors, Diets, and Diabetes

TOMORROW!!  I will be meeting Dr. Poon tomorrow, who is going to be a huge part of me losing weight.  I’m nervous, excited, and more nervous.  In addition to see Dr. Poon, I’ll be heading off the the fertility specialist, lawyers, and the bank.  Weird combo?  Yes.  But, Cody and I sold our condo over the weekend!  Now the fun starts… pack, find an apartment, deal with eating drastically different, and trying to get pregnant.  I won’t get into much more than my struggle with with dumping my disease, but if you’re interested in reading more about the fertility journey Cody and I are on, you can check out my other blog “Baby Brain…Sans Baby”.

I know I am going to be successful in following this diet to the letter.  I’m changing my thinking, which is how I’m going to be able to stick on the right track.

1.  Healthy food isn’t going to be bad!  It’s not flavourless or tasteless – in fact, many of the food have a stronger taste and leave you feeling fuller, longer.  I normally saw myself as being deprived with healthy food, but I’ve changed this perspective.

2.  Exercise is not going to be a punishment either!  I love to swim; I enjoy yoga.  These two activities alone are going to be much more enjoyable when I don’t have to haul 40 extra pounds around.

3.  I am not embarrassed about having to go on a diet.  You eat what you want, and I’m going to eat what I should.

4.  Food is a necessity.  That doesn’t mean it can’t be enjoyable – but it does mean that I don’t have to eat until I need a nap.  It means I eat to survive.

5.  Doing what I’ve been doing has not helped one bit.  It’s time for a change and I’m ready for it!

I’ve told my cousin about going on this diet and she was so negative!  She told me that it sounds horrible to have to go to a doctor and have him tell you what to do; she told me that all of the food I’m going to have to eat will be boring and unsatisfying.  Good thing she doesn’t have to do it right along with me.

I’ll be tested on DAY 1 of the diet – we have a guest coming over for dinner that night.  I’m prepared though.  How does this menu sound:

  • Lemon and thyme chicken breasts
  • Mini red potatoes with garlic (for my husband and his guest)
  • Broiled asparagus
  • Steamed broccoli

…Doesn’t sound like deprivation to me!

“Positive thoughts are not enough. There have to be positive feelings and positive actions.” — Unknown

I’m on the right track!

 

beanie

beanie, Meet the Metabolic Diet

I was laying in bed unable to fall asleep… again.  I was thinking about my baby drama (see my other blog:  Baby Brain…Sans Baby) and how I was going to make this year different from last year.  And I had a light bulb moment:  Dr. Poon.

(If you ever get the chance, check out his website http://www.poondiet.com.)

I’d first heard of Dr. Poon from one of my ex co-workers.  He’d seen Dr. Poon and while he lost weight, he did not like the way the doctor addressed him and had implied that his 4lbs weight loss in a week was insufficient.   I then had seen my family physician last year who said that if I wanted help in trying to lose weight, then he’d be able to refer me to Dr. Poon, who had great success in helping people lose weight and keep it off. I told my GP that I’d hear Dr. Poon was “tough” and my doctor bluntly told me that sometimes that’s what you need.  I was still in denial that my diabetes was mainly due to poor eating habits, so I told him I’d think about it – and I walked out and let the idea of being referred over fly away in the wind.

The next morning, I got on my computer and started researching the Metabolic Diet and the doctor.  I read blog entries from those who had been on (and still were on) the diet.  I joined the Dr. Poon Facebook group.  I determined to myself (and later to my husband) that this was going to be something I was going to do, it was going to help, and I was going to stick with it.  My husband didn’t seem entirely convinced that I’d go through with it, and to admit – I wasn’t entirely sure I was going to either.

Maybe a lot of it had to do with me thinking that Cody didn’t think I’d follow through.  Maybe it had even more to do with the fact that I’m sure no one believes I’ll be with the diet or the doctor for very long.  But this week, I told Cody I was going to make an appointment with my doctor so that I could be referred to Dr. Poon.  I am proud to say, readers, that I made the appointment with my GP, and I went (there were a few times that I tried to talk myself out of it!).  I updated him on my current medications; I updated him on my fertility issues; finally, I asked for a referral to Dr. Poon.

I came home and not even 2 hours later, I received a call from the Metabolic Clinic.  I’ll be walking through their doors on Jan 30th at 2PM.

I honestly believe that this will be a push in the right direction.  Not only will I look better, but I’ll feel better and my health issues will be alleviated a little (no – I am not expecting any miracles!).  I hope the meeting goes well and that I can connect with a doctor at the clinic.

“A dream doesn’t become reality through magic; it takes sweat, determination; and hard work.”  Colin Powell

It’s going to be anything but easy.  But it’s the first step of many more to come.

 

 

beanie

One Small Step At A Time

I am proud of myself.

I usually am proud of myself.  I have my moments of self-doubt, but I like to try and think about my good qualities and my accomplishments.  I am smart, articulate, and have amazing intuition.  I’ve won a literary award.  I graduated college with honours.  I’m artistic and started a small business.  I have a creative flair with hair.  I make awesome turkey cutlets and pasta sauce.  I am organized and keep an amazingly clean house.  Most importantly, I strive to be a good person and I believe I am a good wife.  One day, I’ll be an awesome Mama.

This last week though, I am proud of myself for a different reason.  I set out a goal to make sure to take all of my medications on time, every day.  I met that goal, which means I am one week successful in the fight to get my life back.

I’ll admit, it was hard.  I was cranky and frustrated.  The side effects are still doing a number on me.  But, I’m winning!  And I’m proud.

“Do not let your grand ambitions stand in the way of small but meaningful accomplishments.”
Bryant H. McGill

I want to come off of medications completely.  I want to lose all of my excess weight.  I want to be healthy, in control, and happy.  So maybe taking medication for one week might seem like a very small accomplishment in comparison to my grand end goals.  But without this one week of eating better and taking my medications like I should, I’ll never make it to two weeks, 3 months, 4 years, or a decade of meeting the same goals.

So, yes.  I am proud of myself.

Fighting my fight today and tomorrow,

beanie

She is Gold!

Remember the rhyme “Make new friends, but keep the old.  One is silver and the other’s gold.”?

I’ve never had an easy time making friends.  I’m always wary of people and usually spend more time sitting quietly in a group watching people than I do trying to have a casual conversation.  Due to events and people in my past, it is very hard for me to trust people and I expect ulterior motives from almost everyone.

Except Meli.

I’ve known Meli for almost 24 years now!  We met when I was about 4 years old and have remained friends all of our lives (except for a brief time due to a stupid boy!).  We lived down the street from each other for most of our lives and even when Meli moved, we’d still manage to talk almost every day and see each other most weekends.  Her mom and dad were my second mom and dad.  Her brother and sister and like my own.  We now live in different cities (she’s living in the capital of Canada, I’m in the capital of Ontario), but still try to see each other a couple of times a year.

From my other posts last week, you can see that I am having some depression and frustration with my health.  It’s only been a week and I’m finding myself crying for everything (my poor husband!) and in bed due to lack of energy or sickness.  Medications are brutal to my system when I start them up again and definitely cause some major mood swings.

In my depression on Friday, I talked with Meli.  I told her how I had expressed myself to someone I am very close to and how that person completely disregarded and ignored me.  This person didn’t care that I was upset and having a rough go at life (I explained my health concerns to her) and it bothered me so much.  I don’t normally reach out to people when I’m going through a spell like this, so it was a kick in the teeth.  It was like all of my beliefs about people being selfish were confirmed.  And this person is FAMILY!  When Meli learned what was going on, she jumped into the role of comforting best friend like I’ve never seen!  We live 6 hours apart and I still feel closer to her than I do to any of my friends here.  Some of my family too.

By the end of our talk on Friday (with me crying like a baby on the other side of the computer), we’d made a plan.  We will email each other every day to talk about the health of each other, our exercise and eating plans, and the goals we have.  We’d created new gmail addresses and now have a shared calendar to keep our minds focused on exercising.  And we plan to hold each other accountable to our goals.

My very best friend, who I share a misspelled “best freinds” tattoo with, has made this committment to me.  She cares enough about me to take time out of her busy life to write me every night.  She cares enough about me to help me and work with me to get better.  She just cares enough, period.

“A true friend never gets in your way unless you happen to be going down.”
Arnold H. Glasow

She is definitely my very best, golden friend.  We’ll never let each other fall!

Fighting my fight today and tomorrow,

beanie

Patience is a Virtue…

… but so is Temperance, and I clearly struggle with that too.

I’m going to put all of my positive “Rah-Rah” sentences away for most of this post.  Yes, I know it’s only day 2.

I’ve just tested my blood sugar levels and they are at 16 (I’m in Canada so the readings are different than in the US, but it looks like it is about 280).  My reading should be between 7 and 10, so you can see it’s much too high.  Now, there are a couple of reasons as to why this is happening: 1) It hasn’t been a full 2 hours since I’ve eaten and 2) My body might still be trying to get used to the medications.  Since I’m reacting to the medications as well, this causes elevated levels.

So maybe I just need to stop being dramatic and calm down.

Honestly, though, this is the kind of thing that just gets me so frustrated about trying to control my diabetes.  I don’t know what the root cause to my current high reading is so it’s hard to figure out what I need to change or modify.

Not to mention – the holidays are coming up.  How can I even begin to try to manage this disease with the abundance of food floating around.  I know, I know – will power; picture my end result; remember my goals; etc.

But, I love apple pie.

I love being able to look at husband more.  I love being able to paint all 10 of my toes, instead of 9.  I love not having to take 3 or more needles a day.  So, apple pie, this might be goodbye as well.

I know that I will need to give myself some allowances and not be so hard on myself all of the time.  This is hard for me since I have a poor self-esteem.  And also because, admittedly, I am weak.  If I let myself have a slice of apple pie on Saturday, I will want one on Sunday as well.  And, well, if I’m going to eat pie on Sunday, what would a little ice cream on the side hurt (besides EVERYTHING).  And so on and so on.  I can make excuses really easily for myself.  I give up on things fairly easy as well.  So I DO need to be strict.  I do need to cut things out of my diet.  And I do need to muster up some confidence, some courage, some will power, and some determination.  I have the determination… but a little more can’t hurt.

So as I say goodbye to apple pie, there are a few other food-flings I need to call it off with:

  • Baked goods
  • Cheezies (oh, I might miss you the most!)
  • Chocolate bars (not that I eat them often.. I just shouldn’t eat them)
  • Crackers (I have a weird love for crackers and cheese whiz)
  • McDonalds, Wendy’s – fast foodies in general
  • Poutine – my deepest love :(

I am a realist, so I know there might be a time or two when fast food is the only option I have.  But there are ways to make it a little better… order chicken instead of a burger.  Don’t get fries with it.  Go to Subway or Harveys instead of McD’s.  I also know that I am not going to sit and eat celery sticks as a snack.  Celery is ok and all, but I’ll rebound so fast it’ll be disgusting.

I also might opt to bake the desserts for holiday get-togethers.  I know what you’re thinking:  this is a sure-fire way to make sure I’m going to get a piece of whatever I bake.  It’s actually the opposite.  I research recipes all the time and look for healthier versions of things (like brownies – apparently you can make them with sour cream!).  Let me tell you:  the minute I bake something with cream cheese, sour cream, condensed milk etc. I DO NOT WANT IT.  I get grossed out by certain ingredients and will not eat what I’ve baked.  It’s a pretty good tactic, actually.  Also, if I’m baking something for an event, presentation means a lot to me, so I won’t sneak any of what I’ve made.  Bringing the dessert also means it won’t be in my house and I don’t have to open the fridge and see it every day, calling for me.

As frustrated as I am with my current reading, I am not going to let it break me.  Especially on day 2!  I’m going to calm myself down (since stress will raise my sugar levels), read a book and make sure I eat a low carb lunch.  One day at a time, right?  Not all days will be perfect, but I can try my hardest to make it perfect.

“Every great dream begins with a dreamer. Always remember, you have within you the strength, the patience, and the passion to reach for the stars to change the world.

Harriet Tubman

I don’t have any great plans to change the world.  Just mine.

Fighting my fight today and tomorrow,

beanie