Past, Present, Future

I just finished writing on my other blog about my Polycystic Ovary Syndrome (PCOS) diagnosis.  I try not to overlap my blogs too much.  One is for fertility struggles, one is for my diabetes drama.  PCOS is something that does cause some overlap though.  

When Cody and I started the journey to try and have a baby, I was given a half-assed diagnosis of PCOS, which causes fertility struggles.  I’d researched this problem before and I thought that I had it.  When my fertility specialist mentioned the syndrome, I said I didn’t know what it was because I didn’t want her to think I was a self-diagnoser.  Even though I am.

There is no single test to diagnose PCOS. Only a doctor can test for PCOS. Some common signs and symptoms to look for are:


I have about 10 of those symptoms.  Half.  You can see why I’d think I had the syndrome before it was official.

The thing is, all of my blood work does not have typical signs that point to PCOS.  My ultrasounds did not reveal any cysts either.  You can see why I have trouble accepting the diagnosis even though it’s official.

Ok, Ok.  You’re on the Diabetes blog, not the fertility blog.  What does all of this PCOS info have to do with my Type 2 Diabetes?

Friends, we both know I’ve always kind of been looking for a reason as to why I got diabetes so easily.  I am overweight – not morbidly so.  I can stand to lose quite a few pounds, but my weight alone should not have sent me info sky-rocketed sugar readings.  Having PCOS could be the reason I’ve been looking for.

We all know I have trouble accepting responsibility for my diabetes.  I will tell you that I’m overweight, but that it can’t be the only reason why I’ve developed diabetes.  I will tell you that I eat shitty food, but that it’s not so often that my sugars should be so crazy.  Diabetes is something that runs rampant in my family – so I always thought that I would just end up having it.  It would be something that would happen no matter what.  It was out of my control.

I’ve gotten better with acknowledging that my lifestyle hasn’t always helped me to control or banish the disease.

I remember the first time that my sugars were creeping into a dangerous zone.  I was 22 and had gone to the doctor to address my irregular periods.  I had a cyst on my ovary (“common”, he said) and my sugars levels labelled me “pre-diabetic”.  I wanted to talk about the cyst, the doctor wanted to focus on my sugars, and I walked out of there determined to never see that doctor again.  And I didn’t.

I’m a little pig-headed and stubborn.

Anyway, that might have been the moment when I could have been given the PCOS diagnosis.  There was a cyst.  I had been struggling to lose weight.  I was becoming insulin resistant.  

I can’t help but wonder what my life would be like if I’d left the office that day and seen a different doctor.  Would I have been put on Metformin sooner and able to control my weight earlier?  Would I have been able to keep my sugars under control?  Would I have been able to avoid some of the damage my body has been through?

Shoulda.  Coulda.  Woulda.

I might not be able to control my PCOS, but I can control my diabetes.  Slowly, but surely and with steady feet, I am making changes to help me, help my relationship, and to help my yet-to-be-conceived baby(ies).

“Trying to manage diabetes is hard because if you don’t, there are consequences that you will have to deal with later in life.”  — Bryan Adams

I wish I wasn’t so stupid at the age of 22. 



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